


My Wolf Dief

by Icecat62



Category: due South
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-17
Updated: 2014-09-17
Packaged: 2018-02-17 17:37:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2317766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Icecat62/pseuds/Icecat62
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fraser ponders life without Diefenbaker.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Wolf Dief

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on RedSuitsYou@yahoogroups.com - May2002.

It happened quickly. He could hear the gun, the sound of the bullet as it sliced through the cold night air. He braced himself for the white hot pain of metal piercing flesh, but it never came. A blur of silver launched itself against him, knocking him from harms way. A lupine yelp screamed out as they fell to the hard pavement.

Several more shots rang out, the sounds echoing on the walls around them, making it almost impossible to discern where they were coming from. One pistol was distinct, having heard its caliber so often. As he covered his fallen friend with his body, he felt himself draped with the body of another.

"Benny, you okay?!"

The panic in Ray's voice was controlled as he squeezed off another round. Pausing to eject his clip and reload, Ray looked up. The silence was deafening after all the noise from a few seconds ago. A voice called out from across the lot.

"He's down! We got him!"

Before standing, Ray took in his surroundings. Uniformed officers joined plain clothed detectives as they milled around something. One of them waved at him. All clear went through his mind. Standing, Ray turned and looked down, his voice coming out in a whisper.

"Jesus."

Fraser sat huddled on the ground, clutching Diefenbaker protectively to his chest. The silver white fur was matted with blood, coating Fraser's hands. He stood, cradling the injured wolf.

"Ray, can you..."

"Sure Benny, let's go."

Driving through the nearly empty streets, Ray slapped the red flasher to the dash of the Riv. With each red light that he flew through, the only sound to be heard from the back seat was Diefenbaker's labored breathing. He knew things were bad when Fraser didn't admonish him for the myriad of traffic violations that he was committing.

Looking in the rearview mirror, he saw Fraser holding the injured wolf, his face only inches from Dief's ears. His voice was a light murmur, the words indistinguishable.

Pulling up to the veterinary hospital, Ray ran around the Riv to open the door. He shoved the passenger seat forward. Fraser carefully maneuvered his way out of the back seat, never relinquishing his hold on his furry companion.

Walking into the animal hospital, Ray watched as the veterinary staff rushed to them, pulling the injured wolf from Fraser's grasp. He had been smart in radioing ahead that they were coming.

Fraser took a step forward to follow them and another set of hands gently pushed him back.

"We're sorry, but you have to stay here."

Fraser watched helplessly as Diefenbaker disappeared down a hall, his body hanging limply in the arms of a stranger. A door shut, leaving him standing alone in the waiting room, his chest tightening in a way he hadn't felt in some time. Taking a deep breath, he tried to push back the mounting feeling of dread that enveloped him.

Diefenbaker had been hurt before, but it had never been like this. Looking at his hands and then his chest, the amount of blood he saw took his breath away.

He could feel himself shutting down emotionally, a defense he had developed at an early age to save himself from any manner of pain. He was a Mountie. Personal feelings did nothing to save your life in the frozen north. He had learned with Victoria that if he let his guard down, his own emotions would destroy him.

Clutching his hands into fists, he could feel his body shaking. A hand rested on his shoulder, gently pulling him to sit. He wasn't alone, Ray was here with him.

"He'll be okay Benny. Dief's a fighter, he's gonna' be fine."

The response was automatic.

"Yes Ray."

"Let me get you somethin' to clean up with."

"I'm fine Ray."

"No you're not, you're a mess. I'll be right back."

Ray disappeared and when he came back, he thrust a wet towel into Fraser's hands.

"Give me your jacket Benny."

Shaking fingers slowly undid the velcro closure at the collar, years of practice letting him remove the serge without missing a button. He handed the blood soaked garment to Ray, who waded it into a ball, placing it on an empty chair.

Taking the wet towel, Fraser began to meticulously wipe the blood from his hands, the white towel turned pink as the blood was cleaned from his skin. Looking up, he cast a worried glance at the still closed door where Diefenbaker had disappeared. What if Diefenbaker died?

He drew in a sharp breath, blinking back tears. So many nights and days would be spent alone. No one to talk to. No one to share his thoughts and fears with. No four legged companion that he could bear his soul to and not worry about any type of judgment. Diefenbaker filled a void in his life that no one else could understand.

Ray wasn't always around. He didn't understand some of the things that made him act the way he did. Only Diefenbaker understood the code of duty and his way of life. Dief was his only family left in this world, all the others were six feet under the cold earth of the Territories. Who would he talk to? Who would be willing to listen, really listen to him when he needed someone?

Ray and Fraser sat in silence, waiting over an hour before the door down the hall opened. Bolting to his feet, Fraser held his breath, waiting to hear the words that he still wasn't prepared for.

"Mr. Fraser, could you come back please?"

He remained motionless. Ray stood up and gently pushed him in the back.

"Go ahead Benny, Dief needs to see you."

Giving Ray a slight nod, he stepped forward, his chest once again constricting in abject terror. With his heart pounding in his chest, he followed the vet down the hall.

Diefenbaker lay motionless on the metal table. The only sign that he was still alive was the erratic rise and fall of his chest. Standing next to him, Fraser reached a hand out, stroking the soft fur between Dief's closed eyes.

"Will he be all right?"

The vet looked from Diefenbaker and then to him.

"I'm not going to make any promises. I've removed the bullet and repaired the damage, but the blood loss was severe. If he does pull through, he could be fine or he could be incapacitated. Just like a human, excessive blood loss can cause brain damage. How much damage occurred, if any, we won't know until he wakes up."

The vet tapped her pen on the clipboard she held.

"If your wolf's condition is severe, I would recommend having him put down, it would be the humane thing to do. I don't think you would want him to be less than he was."

Fraser stared blankly back at her, feeling the blood drain from his face.

"Understood."

Turning away from her, he continued gently stroking Dief's head, his vision blurring.

If Diefenbaker wasn't functional, he would have to be put down, but what could he term as functional? Dief was already deaf and in the wild, deaf wolves didn't survive. What level of damage would be considered a death sentence?

*No. Not a death sentence. A release from pain or suffering.*

He took a shaky breath.

"May I stay with him until he awakens?"

The vet looked as if she were going to say no, but she surprised Fraser. Giving him a tired smile, she pulled a chair over to the table for him.

"It's not standard procedure, but since you're a cop and he's a police dog, I'll make an exception."

"I'm not an officer with the City of Chicago."

She smiled slightly.

"You're listed as a Constable Fraser."

Flipping the page, her smile widened.

"And your 'German Shepherd', Diefenbaker, is listed as a police dog."

She flipped the pages back down and patted him on the arm.

"Make yourself comfortable. If he wakes up, just press this buzzer."

The vet indicated a small button on the wall and left the room.

Turning his attention back to Diefenbaker, Fraser looked closely at his injured friend. The fur on one leg was shaved off, an i.v. was hooked up, slowly dripping medicines and fluids into his damaged system. His tongue lolled lifelessly from his partially open mouth.

Reaching out, Fraser pulled a lip back, reveling the sharp white teeth that could tear a caribou's hide apart with ease. Dief's gums were pale. Letting go of the lip, he ran his fingers over Dief's snout. Pulling the chair closer, Fraser sat down, resting his chin on the table.

His hand rhythmically stroked across Dief's shoulder, trying to draw some comfort from the gesture. What would it be like without Diefenbaker by his side? It had been years since he had truly been alone. The moment this wild animal saved him from drowning in the Sound, his life had been changed. He no longer trekked the wildness alone. What was once an endless circle of point checks, became adventures to be shared. The companionship of this animal curled by his side in the frigid arctic cold had warmed his soul. Diefenbaker made him feel needed and yes, loved.

********************

Ray stood motionless in the doorway, taking in the scene before him. He had always known that Fraser cared about Diefenbaker, but until this moment, he never realized just how much the Mountie loved the wolf.

The bond between the man and the animal was obvious, the love hidden. He never saw Fraser handle Dief like a dog, like a pet. It was as if he placed the wolf on the same level as a human. He talked to the wolf like he was an equal.

Feeling like an intruder, Ray slowly back away from the door only to be stopped by Fraser's soft voice calling out to him.

"It's okay to come in Ray."

Ray walked over to the table, staring down at Diefenbaker.

"I didn't want to...you know..."

"It's fine Ray, Diefenbaker would like knowing that you're here."

Fraser never once looked at Ray, his eyes remained locked on Dief as he continued petting his friend.

"I talked to the vet. She thinks Dief has a pretty good chance."

Fraser closed his eyes and his hand stilled. When he opened them, he continued stroking Dief's side.

"I know what the chances are Ray. He may pull through, but I may also have to have him put down if he's brain damaged."

"Yeah...she said that, but I don't think he will be. I mean he was kinda' goofy to begin with, so how are you gonna' tell if he's been messed up?"

Ray smiled slightly, trying to bring Fraser out of the depression he was slowly settling into.

Fraser frowned slightly.

"There was nothing wrong with him before Ray, I'll know if he has changed."

Ray ran a hand over his face.

"I know Benny, I was only kiddin'. Sorry."

Fraser continued continue petting Dief, letting his hand run over the wolf's face, tracing the patterns in his fur.

"I don't know if...Ray...if I have to have Diefenbaker...if he dies..."

"Benny?"

"He's all that I have Ray."

Walking closer to Fraser, Ray rested a hand on his shoulder.

"That's not true. You have me, Ma, Frannie..."

"It's not the same Ray. Diefenbaker is family."

Ray snorted and withdrew his hand from Fraser.

"And what am I? Chopped liver?!"

Sighing, Fraser sat up and looked at Ray.

"You are my friend, but you don't...Ray you don't understand me at all."

"Well maybe if you'd talk to me, I'd know who in the hell you are! You never tell me anything. All you ever say is 'I'm fine Ray'. That's not talkin' Benny."

Fraser cocked his head to the side, licking his lower lip.

"I have tried talking to you before Ray. You never want to listen to what I have to say. You don't understand me, but Diefenbaker does. He knows instinctively what I want and why I'm doing it."

Ray threw his hands up in the air.

"So sue me for not bein' a wolf! I don't have instincts, I need for you to tell me what's wrong. God, you can be so infuriating!"

"This is exactly what I'm talking about Ray. When you don't understand me, you get angry and start yelling."

"You...I give up. You don't talk to me, you talk around the subject or you just clam up. Like right now. Tell me how you're feeling. I want to know, how do you feel Benny?"

Fraser gave Ray an uncomfortable look and remained silent. Ray pointed at him, his voice growing louder.

"See! This is what I'm talkin'' about! I ask you how you feel and you clam up, so don't go tellin' me, I don't understand, it's you who has the problem, not me."

A small whine made both men twist around to look at Diefenbaker on the table. Fraser scooted closer to him, leaning his head toward him. Another whine came from him, this time louder and then Diefenbaker moved, trying to raise his head from the table. Fraser lay a hand on his side, talking in a low soothing tone.

"I'm here Diefenbaker."

Deif's eyes slowly opened and his snorted slightly and whined again.

"It's okay Dief."

Fraser began to run a hand over his fur, his touch light and reassuring.

"You're going to be fine."

Diefenbaker breathed heavily and made a small yipping sound, causing a bright smile to appear on Fraser's face.

"Yes, I'm sorry. I will be more careful in the future."

Dief whined.

"I don't care if I look silly or not, I'm staying."

The wolf let out a deep breath and stretched slightly before closing his eyes, his breathing evening out. He was asleep.

Ray looked from Fraser to Diefenbaker.

"Okay Benny, what was that all about?"

As Fraser remained silent, Ray almost yelled at him for not speaking until he saw that the Mountie's eyes were full of tears.

"Benny, what's wrong?"

"Nothing Ray."

"There you go again!"

Wiping a hand across his eyes, Fraser smiled at Ray.

"No, I mean it Ray. Everything will be okay. He's all right."

"How do you know?"

"Because he chastised me for not paying attention to what was going on. If I had been more observant, he would have never had to take a bullet for me."

Ray gave Fraser a look of disbelief.

"You're gonna' try and tell me that Diefenbaker said all of that to you in a few whines?"

"Yes Ray."

Standing, Fraser walked over to the button on the wall and pressed it before moving to stand beside the table once more. As he lightly stroked Diefenbaker, the smile remained on his face. His voice was low as he spoke.

"You're going to be okay."

END


End file.
